So I am going to attempt to go cold turkey. No more "Big bad wolf". It's gonna be pretty awful but I know that I have to ride it out. Being consumed with someone you are never going to have is something I would not wish on anyone. We spent 4 hours talking tonight about nothing. Family, my loopy friend, bad tv, and then the most amazing orgasm I think I have ever had, and then more chit chat about nothing. It's effortless which makes it really scary. I make him laugh which I love because I know he does'nt laugh out loud alot. And I also know that everyday I lose the battle a bit more. My only solace in this is that he wants me as much as I want him. But it's not based on reality is it? And so for my sanity and the fact that wanting anyone this much can't be healthy I know i gotta cut him off. It's just going to hurt really bad. I feel like I have waited forever to find him and I found him in a way that means I can never have him. and i know it's gonna hurt him so much, and I really don't want to hurt him. But no matter how you roll the dice I am going to hurt him. And putting it off just leads to 4 hour conversations. Ugh not fun to be me right now.